TFMX: Halftone's Christmas

[dens-extra-pups.livejournal.com]

Winters in Detroit tended to be cold, wet, and snowy. Not the most pleasant driving conditions even on the best days, and downright close to the Pit on the really bad days. Thankfully, his pet was thoughtful enough to have a heating unit in the private garage where he recharged after each day's drive. Really, she spoiled him. Not that he was complaining, mind you. Being the President's personal limo had its perks. For one, he got weekly washings, by hand, and his interior was cleaned and detailed after each week's washing. For another, President Pratt never let his tank go more than half empty and never used poor quality fuel. It was a fair exchange for staying in alt mode and keeping quiet, really. Plus, he got to nap every single day, and didn't have to worry about other Decepticons. Life, Halftone decided late one December day, was good.

The approaching sound of an argument distracted Halftone from his contented musings and ponderings, "But Boss, it's the end of the year... And the middle of winter! Can't washing the car wait till the weather warms up?" Oh, great. One of the lackeys. He had heard this argument in some way, shape, or form every winter for the past three years, and every time, his pet had a valid counter argument, namely that she was doing the washing inside an enclosed structure, sheltered from the cold. He knew what was coming next, as he could hear the almost unnoticeable grinding sound of dentae that signaled his pet's irritation with her underlings. Such a predictable little pet...

"It'll be fine. The garage floor's concrete and it has a drain in it. The sooner I get the road salts and other gunk off of the limo, the better, 'cause that stuff really eats finishes like none other.... Besides. David installed the water heater for in here, and I want to try it out. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go get the soap and other stuff," And then his pet was striding off to another part of the garage. The lackeys, unfortunately, lingered for a few moments, no doubt waiting for dismissal... Too bad he couldn't dismiss them himself...

"Can't believe the Boss' final term is almost over...." Wait, what was that about his pet? One of the other lackeys shook his head.

"Yeah... Kinda wish she could serve more than two terms... Thing's've pretty well straightened out...." Hmm.... This could be problematic.... Especially if it meant the end of the weekly pampering....

"Well, don't tell her I told you this, but I heard the Boss might be running for Mayor here... She might be looking to do here what she's done for the country..."

"....Seriously? That'd be awesome!"

"What would be awesome?" Halftone wanted to snicker at how high the underlings jumped, but that would blow his cover. He, of course, had heard the moment his pet's footsteps had begun to approach. The underlings all looked a bit guilty, earning what was likely a severe frown that President Pratt reserved only for moments when she needed to be intimidating.

"Er... If the Autobots vouched for you in the elections for Mayor of Detroit..." President Pratt snorted, shaking her head.

"Do you know how tacky it would be if I asked them? And don't say you weren't thinking about that, 'cause I can totally tell. If I'm going to run, I'm going to do it the same way I did when I ran for President. I'm not going to rely on the words of people who can just as easily be bribed to say garbage about me. Don't even try to bring the matter up again."

Not only was asking the Autobots to vouch for President Pratt "tacky", it was downright dangerous. For him. Yeah, the Autobots might be busy with their own slag, but if they, or any rogue Decepticon for that matter, caught wind of his presence, that was the end of all the pampering and luxury he had grown accustomed to over the past two and a half years. No, it would only be for the best if President Pratt simply steered clear of the Autobots....


---


Detroit's annual Christmas Parade was in full swing, and this year, the city had asked President Pratt to participate. Halftone reasoned he should be thankful that all she did to decorate him for the parade was carefully attach a wreath to his alt mode's front, and string a bit of garland on either side. He knew the woman loved decorating with lights, and knew she had been one of the supporters for the fire truck that was currently covered in the obnoxious things.

He knew he had to be especially careful not to blow his cover today, as he had seen the Autobots near the beginning of the parade route. Thankfully, they were soon left behind as the parade progressed, and Halftone relaxed. There was just his pet's speech to get through, and then a few photos. After that, they would return home, he would get the decorations removed, and his pet would shut the garage door for the next few days while she and her family celebrated the holidays. All in all, not too bad of a way to end the year.....

As he pulled up to the parking space near the stage, Halftone noted that his pet was doing her usual 'minor panic attack before a public speaking' thing and muttering to herself quietly, no doubt running through her speech in an attempt to get her anxiety under control. Really, he could sympathize with her, to a degree. Granted, Detroit crowds weren't nearly as dangerous as Megatron.... His pet just did not like giving speeches in public settings. The irony of that was not lost on him... That President Pratt, one of the most prominent humans on this mudball, had a fear of public speaking, when she was quite comfortable being filmed when giving her 'State of the Union' address....

Once the President was on stage, Halftone started to doze off, since his pet's speech was a bit predictable and boring.... That is, until the screams started. Snapping awake, the first thing Halftone noticed was that there was what looked like a slime creature from one of his pet's beloved "B-Grade Horror Flicks".... And it was advancing on the President. Great. Just great. Some stupid waste of materials was threatening his pet... At least the Autobots weren't close by.

With a roar of his engine, Halftone rushed the stage, closing the distance rapidly before transforming to take a swing at the creature with his weapon. The first ball hit, giving Halftone a bit of a jumble of resonance, but it was enough for him to gauge the right counter-frequency to use to obliterate the creature with the second ball.... Only.... the creature didn't dissolve into a puddle of goo.... Instead, it shifted and solidified, before falling to the ground... As a strangely dressed human male...

".... What the slag?!" A soft sound from his pet drew Halftone's attention back to the woman. The President's expression was unreadable, her gaze firmly on him. This would end badly, he could already tell. All he could do at this point was brace for the audio-jarring scream he was certain was coming.... The President opened her mouth, and Halftone cringed, waiting...

"I knew I wasn't crazy...." Wait... What?! His confusion must have been obvious, as his pet simply gave him one of the rare, gentle smiles she reserved for the humans she cared about, "I thought I was imagining things that first day... and nearly every time I've cleaned your seats.... It was just my imagination, or so I kept telling myself.... Because there was no way I was lucky enough to know a Cybertronian in person... Ah, excuse me a moment..."

Before Halftone could react, his pet was striding over to the oddly-dressed human male, who had managed, somehow, to rise to his feet. That didn't last long, as the President delivered a swift and sharp kick to the human male's kneecap, sending him to the ground in pain, "That's for trying to %$#%$%$#*&%$ attack me, you %$&%^$&#*%^$#%$!!!" The whole situation was a bit surreal. Never had he heard such language from his pet... Though he supposed he probably should stop thinking of her like that.... Especially considering the ugly company that had just shown up...

"Don't move so much as a servo, Decepticon!" Oh, joy.... It was the Autobot who had supposedly captured Megatron. Grinding his dentae together and muting his vocalizer before an irritated squeak could escape, Halftone stood absolutely still, watching as the idiotic human male the President had just kneecapped was arrested by the human versions of Autotroopers.

"Excuse me, just what do you think you're doing?" The irritation in the President's voice was almost tangible, and from what Halftone could see of her, she had her hands on her hips and was scowling at the red and blue Autobot.

"President Pratt, are you alright?"

"I am, thanks to..." President Pratt blinked a bit, and then looked a bit sheepish as she looked to Halftone, "Oh, sheesh... I don't even know your name..."

Then the annoying yellow Autobot runt spoke up, "Wait, you're telling me that a Decepticon saved you?! No way!" Halftone felt a bit smug as he watched the President give the yellow pest a stern look.

"Don't interrupt me," With that, she returned her attention to Halftone, who was weighing his options, and quickly. After a few moments of fast consideration(and really, the fact that she kept him clean and well-fueled had nothing everything to do with his decision-making), Halftone spoke up.

"Halftone." Satisfied, President Pratt looked to the red and blue Autobot.

"Thanks to Halftone, I'm not hurt. He's been my employee for the past two and a half years, with not so much as an out-of-line engine rumble," Wait... Did that mean what he thought it meant? Clearly, the Autobot had reached the same conclusion.

"...So that's one of the effects of that wish..." Or not....

"...Wish?"

The Autobot nodded, expression serious, "Yes... Awhile back.... I wished that everyone was where, and what, they were supposed to be..." Halftone blinked a bit, giving the Autobot an incredulous look.

"What the slag are you on, Autobot?"

"It's... I really can't explain... But I know it worked...." As Halftone watched, the Autobot carefully repositioned the tiny something wrapped in some kind of tarp that was tucked into the crook of his arm. The soft squeal of delight President Pratt made was more than enough to draw the attention of two mechs, one Autobot, the other a Decepticon who might be out of work soon.

"Itty-bitty!!!" .... Okay then. Looking to see just what the President was talking about, Halftone was shocked to see what looked almost like.... No... There was no way that tiny scrap of a thing was Lord Megatron.... Right?

"Megatron and Blackout both wound up like this...."

"....."

The Autobot sighed slightly, his expression darkening. "I asked that they could be safe, and unable to hurt anyone anymore."

"Big improvement, huh?" The yellow pest grinned broadly, his optics sparkling as he stood on his toes to touch the tiny former terror of Cybertron gently on the cheek. "Blackie didn't wanna get up this morning, so she missed the parade."

".....Then there's just one thing to do...." Squaring his feet, Halftone looked at the little scrap that had once been his leader.

Megatron yawned and blinked open sleepy blue optics, which got even bigger as he focused on the tall cream, black, purple and silver mech that was looking down at him. Bitty hands weakly tugged at the edge of the pink woolly tarp till only the top of his head and those frightened and now wary optics showed. It was very clear that the little guy recognized Halftone.

"Easy, Megatron," murmured the red and blue Autobot, his voice gentle and warm. "You're safe."

The yellow pest just looked back and forth between Halftone and his leader, his own large optics now wary as well.

Halftone frowned as he watched President Pratt do her little "Eeeee, baby!!!" dance just off to the side, even as he made note of the fact that Megatron no longer had red optics. There really was nothing for it but to say what he wanted to say... "Megatron, I quit."

Three pair of blue optics blinked.

Then Megatron lowered his tarp slightly. Quietly, in a voice that registered as cute even on Halftone's sensors, he said, "What?"

"I quit. I'm working for President Pratt now."

"Oh. Very well." The former Warlord rubbed his optics, and then looked up at the Autobot that held him. "Optimus, could Halftone have a cookie? I think he needs one."

"...A cookie?" As if today couldn't get any weirder....

"...You guys have cookies? That is so cool..."

Halftone looked to the President, one brow ridge raising as he watched the woman.

"We do. Is cinna alright?" The Autobot was digging in a storage compartment, ignoring the look of intense puppy dog longing that the yellow pest now wore. As he poked around in the pocket a smell wafted out, a smell that was warm and sharp, full of promise and delight.

Halftone made a soft squeak of surprise as he caught the unfamiliar, but very pleasing scent, earning him a raised brow and half-grin from President Pratt. "What's that smell?"

"That's cinna." Optimus found what he was looking for and held it out, a flat figure of a Seeker made of calcien and glowing softly with energon. "I knew I had one that didn't have dentae marks on it."

Halftone eyed the 'cookie' warily. It wasn't that he didn't trust.... Okay, he didn't trust the Autobot.... But darn if what the mech was offering didn't smell incredible.

"Oh don't look at it like that, bot," said Megatron with tiny impatience. "It's good. You need it!" Then he squealed softly and grabbed a chewed on fragment that the yellow pest handed to him. "Thank you, Bumblebee."

The pest grinned as tiny dentae went to work on the treat, then turned his head slightly and gave Halftone a challenging look from the corners of his optics, daring and double dog daring him to take the offered cookie and taste it.

Optimus smiled down toward the tiny squeal, but then turned his gaze back to Halftone, his expression patient and understanding as he waited for the limo bot to respond to his offer.

Halftone scowled at the little pest as he reached for the cookie, mentally plotting the best way to avoid getting ugly yellow paint on himself when he ran the cocky speedster down. And then all thoughts of fun and mayhem flew out of his processor as he took a cautious bite of the cinna Seeker and nearly dropped it in surprise. It... was so good!

"Halftone? Are you alright?" President Pratt looked quite worried about the mech in front of her, even as she moved to put a hand on the only part of Halftone that she could reach.

Halftone shivered slightly at the light touch, before giving his boss a somewhat hopeful look. "Can we get this type of fuel from now on?"

The President's response was relieved laughter and a nod of agreement.

"This is the com frequency to call for a supply." Optimus offered President Pratt a tiny rectangle of paper. "I'm assured that you can reach it with most models of cell phone."

"Gotcha," President Pratt nodded as she made note of, but chose not to comment on, the slight tremors of Optimus' hand. "So are there set hours or what?"

Halftone was almost tempted to celebrate.... Except for the fact that he was currently preoccupied with eating the cookie in his hand as quickly and carefully as possible. Even taking into consideration that President Pratt spared no expense when it came to keeping him fueled, Earth fuels just couldn't compare to energon.

"Not that I know of. Though..." Optimus paused as he hunkered down to speak to the President on a more polite level, the hand that had offered the card moving to rest on Megatron. "Don't be surprised if you never see your delivery bot."

President Pratt's chuckle was decidedly mischevious. "Oh, security's going to love that....."

"It sure drives Kup nuts." Bumblebee chortled.

Halftone blinked a bit and shuddered as he finished the cookie in his hand and felt the surge of energy. It had been far too long since he had refueled properly.... And now all he really felt like doing was to head back to the garage and have a nice, long nap.

"Speaking of Security..." Optimus watched the men in black suits approaching. "We've taken up too much of your time, Madam President."

"Good bye." Megatron grinned adorably behind his chewed on cookie bit.

President Pratt nodded to Optimus, gave Megatron a grin and a small little wave, and then turned her attention to her human employees... Who very shortly received a sharp dressing down from the tall blonde, as well as orders to assist the Detroit Police Department with the man who had tried attacking her earlier.

Halftone couldn't help but chuckle. His pet was a feisty one when she needed to be....

"Merry Christmas." Bumblebee's grin was cheery as he looked up at Halftone. "Um... you want some more of those things, so you don't have to wait till you get the order? "I don't have anymore cinna ones, but I've got choccy chip 'n sammich creme."

Halftone considered the offer for a few moments before wordlessly holding out his hand. He wasn't sure how quickly his pet would get to calling in the order, after all....

The little yellow Autobot started emptying his pockets. "I think Blackie's nibbled on some of 'em and gave 'em back, but they're still good. She doesn't drool like Disturbia used to so we couldn't take things back. There you go!" He grinned up at Halftone as he held out the treats. "Count 'em as thanks for getting rid of Meltdown."

Halftone nodded his thanks as he accepted the treats. Moments later, he was making soft, pleased sounds as he tasted choccy and strawbaby cream for the first time. Perhaps it was worth making nice with the Autobots, after all...

Turning to his pet, Halftone held the sammich cookie down where she could see it. "Order this kind as well."

President Pratt blinked a bit as she caught the scent of cheap strawberry-scented face cream, and then she was chuckling as she realized that it probably tasted pretty good to Halftone and the other Cybertronians. "Alright. I'll also ask about what other types of cookies the company has...."

"There should be a catalogue when you press the chip in the business card," offered Optimus, looking down from where he'd straightened and had been holding Megatron and absently rocking the tinybot and gazing into space.

".... That... is easily the COOLEST thing I have ever heard of," President Pratt said with a big grin. Halftone looked interested in the idea as well, so what would it hurt to order a few different things besides cookies? If it made Halftone happy, then that's all that mattered in the end.

The red and blue Autobot gave the human woman a slight smile that seemed to hold the shadow of old pain, and then wished the President and Halftone a merry Christmas before giving a quiet order to Bumblebee and turning to walk away through the snow that had just started to fall softly from the heavy sky.

"And you as well! Oh, and a happy new year!" President Pratt called after the Autobots, before turning her attention to fiddling with the business card and getting her cellphone out to place an order. Halftone chuckled through his mouthful of sammich cookie. Merry Christmas indeed.