MTMTEarth. S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, Coulson's Apartment. Micron Antics Part 1

[dens_extra_pups]

Fury: *really starting to regret talking Oliver into coming back to work. Things were so quiet when he and Laguardia were AWOL* *stink eye for the petite Italian brunette sprawled on the couch in the corner of her office*

Mira: *not just sprawling. Is scowling at the ceiling*

Fury: Don't you have work to do, Laguardia? Or do the scars you got from chasing the Mafia around last night hurt too much for you to do what you're actually paid to do?

Mira: Ya made my partner for that go do other stuff. 'N ya confiscated our party's booze.

Fury: *stink eye turns to a puzzled scowl* I told him to clean up the mess he left in that lab so the next guy didn't haveta. And nobody drinks here.

Mira: Which is why Officer Douglas, his wife, Ordnance 'n me were elsewhere. *moving to sit up carefully* *seriously* 'N you know I don't back outt'a promises ta help keep my neighborhood clean, Fury.

Fury: *rolls eye and turns attention back to the paper on her desk* Get to work.


elsewhere


Fitz: *confused because he could have sworn that one lab was empty, but now he's hearing music from it. Must investigate!*

music: *old rock blares out as he opens the door*

Fitz: *flinches at the volume, cautiously peeks into the lab*

Ordnance: *fat green bot dances past* Woohoo, I'm nekkid! *shakes booty*

Fitz: ...

Ordnance: *hands behind his head and boogies* Shot through the heart, and you're to blame! Oh hi, kid! :D

Fitz: ... *so completely and utterly brain broken*

Ordnance: *laughs and comes closer* BOO!

Fitz: *startled sound, trips over his own feet*

Ordnance: *laughing his aft off even as other footsteps come to investigate*

Tony: *looks inside. Blinks. Rounds about and gets out of Dodge*

Ordnance: *snerk* *hunkers down by Fitz* *confidential tone* I know you hate that guy. I'll give you an all expenses paid date to bring your girl on if you swear you never saw me like this.

Fitz: A-Alright... *still a bit brain broken* *hesitantly* How should I say I saw you?

Ordnance: *quick transform and a grin* I'll give you some new weapon plans too. *offers to haul the kid to his feet*

Fitz: ... Nothing that could blow up in testing? *reaches for the offered hand*

Ordnance: *frowns as he pulls the boy up* Don't you even know how to build?

Fitz: *looks mildly offended* That doesn't mean weapons aren't dangerous at all points of development...

Ordnance: *humour restored* That's why they're fun. *slaps Fitz on the back and turns to leave the lab for the last time. Leaves behind a well stirred up mess*

Fitz: ... *looks in the lab, sigh*


downstairs


Fury: *striding down the hall, her coat swinging around her long legs* No. No office Christmas party.

Legacy: *thrrpt* Want tinsel.

Fury: No. *ponders where she wants to eat lunch*

Mira: *snort* Who stole your last can of who-hash?

Fury: No idea what you're talkin' about, Laguardia. *still walking*

Mira: ... You never watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas?! *so shocked*

Fury: *snorts* I don't watch crap.

Mira: It's not crap! It's a holiday classic!

Legacy: *stops, listening to things unseen again*

Fury: You wanna holiday classic then watch Magoo do 'A Christmas Carol'. *actually holds the door open for her two pests as she goes through*

Legacy: *sudden snickerfit*

Mira: Seen it. Still like the Grinch better. *smirks and moves to head out the door. She knows it's generally going to get crazy when Legacy gets that look on her face*

Fury: *snorts and steps out into the rare clear day of a DC winter* Got no taste. Explains why you hooked up with Oliver.

Mira: *grin* I like crazy guys.

Fury: There's crazy, and then theres b... *breaks off as something slams into her and knocks her flying*

Mira: *startled obscenities, is knocked flying as well. Transforms before she realizes what she's done. Swiftly calculates angles and returns fire from where she's landed*

cursing: *coming from the assailant. Seems Mira either damaged his weapon, or him, and he can't get away now*

Fury: *trying to get to her feet* Laguardia, report!

Mira: One assailant, male. *squinting at the van that the attack came from* I think I got him.

Fury: Good... *spits blood and sags back* I'm disabled. *tries to fight blackness out of her vision*

Mira: Hill's gonna have my head. *reaching for her radio out of habit* ... *CUSS*

Fury: *deep breath and hauls herself up, hand grasping for her own radio* *finds it shattered and curses* Bates!

Legacy: *startled squeak, arrives with a flurry of sparkles*

Mira: *swiftly returning to alt mode* *hand going to radio, is calling for medical and backup*

Fury: *tries to speak and spits blood again* *points toward the van*

Legacy: *points at the van, mimes a gun* Pew, pew. No more bad toy.

Fury: Laguardia already got it. Package the perp. *keeping herself upright with difficulty*

Legacy: 'Kay. *will do so, and will also gank medical personnel before relocating them to the front door*


that evening


Fury: *calls Mira to her room in the infirmary*

Mira: *in a bit of a mood, is trying to mask the fact that she's pretty sure people saw her in her true form* *will knock on the door jamb*

Fury: *scowls toward the door. Is healing at her usual rate, but still feels like she's been stomped on by the Juggernaut* Get in here and close the door.

Mira: *scowls and moves to comply, albeit reluctantly*

Fury: *eyes her agent narrowly* When were you plannin' on tellin' me you ain't from around here?

Mira: ... *quietly* I grew up on this planet.

Fury: *still pinning the younger woman with her gaze* You're Cybertronian.

Mira: ... *soft sigh* Yeah. How long did it take ya to figure out? *leans against the door, expression pensive*

Fury: *eye narrows further* Don't get smart with me. *without turning* Bates, get the *bleep* outta the closet.

Legacy: *muffled* I like it in here. Is cozy.

Mira: *would normally be snerking. She's silent this time*

Fury: I better not find my pockets fulla crap again. *attention back to Mira* And you. What do you have to say for yourself?

Mira: My parents don't know. And you're not gonna tell 'em. Bad enough they gotta put up with the fact that I ain't their biological kid... It'd break their hearts ta learn that I'm not human.

Fury: You think I give a *beep* about that?

Mira: *seriously* I don't know what to think. Only that I messed up, 'n you learned somethin' you weren't s'posed ta. 'N now I gotta figure out if I have to leave or if I'm still okay workin' and livin' in the States.

Fury: *presses lips together. Then. Shortly* Oliver know?

Mira: Yup.

Fury: *brow suddenly furrows as his survival that day in the desert comes to her mind* ... *cuss* He's one too.

Mira: *grunts an affirmative, arms crossed as she looks anywhere but at Fury* Ain't the only one, either.

Fury: What're you here for? Bates, put that back!

Mira: Ta learn about things, apparently.

Legacy: Thrrrrrrpt!

Fury: I mean it! *scowl for Mira* Learn about things? The *beep* does that mean?

Mira: *uncrosses her arms and looks her commander in the eye* I don't *beeping* know. I just know that some big entity workin' fer God sent me 'n a bunch'a people like me ta this place ta learn somethin'.

Fury: *scowl deepens as she ponders this. And then her brows are lifting as Phillipa Coulson slips into the room and something in Mira's pocket chirps*

Mira: *startled blurt of Italian, fishes around in her pocket*

Coulson: *quizzical expression as she watches*

Fury: What the *bleep* was that?

Mira: *pulls everything out of her pocket, which includes her cellphone, which is currently dead, and a little rectangular thing... which is chirping* ...Huh.

Fury: Laguardia?

Mira: *points the chirping thing at Fury, brows raising when the chirping stops* ... *looks to Coulson*

Coulson: *mild curiosity* Is that a Werther's detector?

Mira: ... *snort*

Legacy: *head pokes out of the closet* Gimme.

Coulson: *hands over the package with a grin* *quietly* It was so quiet here when Oliver was AWOL.

Legacy: *nodnod* *grins and vanishes with a pop*

Mira: ... Who wants ta bet she's gonna cause trouble?

Fury: Stop sayin' stupid *aft* things, Laguardia. Coulson, get outta here.

Coulson: *lifts brows and grins more* Alright. Call if you need me. I'll be outside watching Oliver corrupt the innocent. *and out she goes*

Mira: *snorts, and then her expression's going serious, and she's putting the rectangular thing back in her pocket*

Fury: What is that?

Mira: Coulson was right. It's a Werther's detector.

Fury: *snort* No. It ain't. *hand lifts and shows candies in gold wrappers*

Mira: *sigh* *leans against the door again* *quietly* It IDs people like me 'n Ordnance.

Fury: *sits up, interest clear on her face. As clear as the lack of surprise about learning that her best friend is an alien*

Mira: ... You knew Coulson's not human.

Fury: So? *contemplates the candies in her hand*

Mira: Don't tell her.

Fury: *frowns at the younger woman, question in her lone dark eye*

Mira: It can mess a person up if they're told before their programmin' kicks in.

Fury: *frown deepens* How?

Mira: Dunno how exactly... Just the stuff I have in here, *taps her head carefully* says it's a bad idea.

Fury: *snort* Fine. *hasn't told Philippa yet. Has no intention of doing so now* *growls as someone thumps into the door*

Mira: Awk! *scampers away from the door, eyes wide*

Fury: What the *deleted* is goin' on out there? *scowl is back!*

Mira: Dunno, but if it ain't Ordnance kickin' Tony's *butt*, someone's gettin' their *butt* kicked! *goes to open the door*

Fitz: *startled squawk as the door he was leaning against after getting shoved into it by Ordnance is suddenly opened*

Mira: ... *SNORT* It's just one of the nerds.

Ordnance: *face lights up* Babe! La Femme Nikita done with ya yet?

Fury: *face freezes with shock* What did you call me?

Mira: *laughs and steps over a blushing Fitz* You playin' nice with the nerds?

Ordnance: *rumbles a laugh as he pulls Mira close and rubs his beard on her* Me 'n Leo're havin' a great time. Right, kid?

Fitz: *picking himself up off the floor now* I think so? Did I drop my kefir?

Mira: *snickerfitdie* You got the kid drunk?

Ordnance: *innocent expression* What're you talkin' about, Babe? He's only had tea and milk.

Mira: *hiding her face against you now, Ordnance. And snickering muchly. She KNOWS what tea you're talking about*

Fury: *dead calm* Somebody had better start explaining why one of my top scientists is on the floor.

Mira: *DED of lulz*

Fitz: *hanging onto the door jamb now* But I'm not on the floor, Ma'am.

Fury: *stink eyes the kid* Why. Are. You. Falling. Over?

Fitz: ... I'm not entirely sure. He said it was fizzy tea... and fizzy milk?

Fury: *pinches her nose* Oliver, did you get Fitz drunk?

Ordnance: *still cuddling girlfriend* No, sir. Fitz got himself drunk. I just gave him the drinks.

Mira: *wheezing and trying to cool down* *or she was, 'til you said that, Ordnance*

Fury: What did you give him? *deadly calm*

Ordnance: Kombucha and kefir. *grin* They're good for him.

Fitz: They were fizzy...

Fury: *pinches the bridge of her nose again* You're drunk.

Mira: *so much snickerfit*

Fitz: ... I think so?

Fury: What made you think that was a good idea?

Fitz: He said it was tea and milk?

Fury: *slow head shake while still with the nose pinching* How many did you drink?

Fitz: ... Most of a case, I think. *small frown, looks to Ordnance* How many was in the case?

Ordnance: You had six teas, and two kefirs.

Fitz: Right. *back to Fury* Six teas and two kefirs.

Mira: *sniggerfit* *will also quietly ping Ordnance's comm*

Ordnance: //Yeah?//

Fury: *incredulous look for the young scientist* You know better than to drink that much tea.

Mira: *quietly* //Coulson's one'a us, and Fury's known for awhile. Coulson don't gotta clue though.//

Fitz: ... It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Ordnance: //Let's introduce 'er to Heath so he stops makin' calf eyes at you.//

Mira: //Heeey, that's a good idea.//

Fury: *grumbles* Alla you, get outta my sight. That includes you, Coulson.

Fitz: *blink* Yes, Ma'am.

Mira: *snickerfit, leans against Ordnance*

Fury: And close my door. *lays back and turns her attention back to what she's got in her hand*

Fitz: *moves to do so* *soft yelp as he pinches his finger*

Ordnance: *wide grin* You better get Jemma to kiss that better on your date tonight.

Coulson: *lifts a brow and looks at the bearded man*

Fitz: *small nod of agreement*

Mira: *snickerfit* Maybe we should have someone chaperone.

Ordnance: Nope. I only bought 'im two tickets. *wide grin*

Mira: *snerk*

Coulson: *in her mild way* Where are they going?

Fitz: *grin* "The History of the Solar System"... It's showing at one of the Smithsonian Imax theaters.

Coulson: *brows lift* Aren't those three hundred dollar tickets?

Ordnance: Nah. I got 'em the showing with the lecture.

Fitz: *nodnod of agreement!*

Mira: *wrinkles her nose* Euch.

Coulson: *other brow joins the first* I see. And who's driving?

Fitz: *if he grinned any more, it'd be creepy* Agent Oliver arranged for a limousine for Jemma and myself!

Mira: *snerk*

Coulson: I see. *smiles at her young teammate's enthusiasm*

Fitz: *attention going to Mira's cellphone, and then he's quickly checking his watch* Ack! I have to get going!!!

Ordnance: *chuckles so that only Mira can hear him* *aloud* You know where your girl is, and how to get there?

Fitz: Yes! *already starting to head down the hallway*

Ordnance: See ya! Have fun! *grabs Mira's phone and pretends he's using it as he comms Simmons' phone*

Simmons: *answers after the third ring* //Yes?// *sounds a bit flustered*

Ordnance: *drops his voice to the low bass* It's seven PM, do you know where your Fitz is?

Simmons: //... Who is this?//

Ordnance: ... Oliver Oliver. What does that matter?

Simmons: *sounds a little more relaxed now* //For a moment, I thought it was someone about to demand ransom for Fitz.//

Ordnance: *looks interested* How much would you give me?

Simmons: //... What did you do to Fitz?//

Ordnance: Bought him tickets for 'The History of the Solar System'.

Simmons: //...And where is Fitz?// *can you hear the note of excitement in her voice?*

Ordnance: *lifts his head and looks down the hall* He just tripped and fell into the elevator on the infirmary floor.

Simmons: *sigh* //I'll go make sure he didn't hurt himself.//

Ordnance: You need to meet the limo at the front door in ten minutes.

Simmons: //... Limo?//

Ordnance: Yup. Black stretch.

Simmons: //... I have to let you go for now.//

Ordnance: *big grin* Have fun!

Coulson: You're an awful person, aren't you, Oliver?

Ordnance: Yup. *grin*

Mira: Yeah, but he's MY awful person. *grin*

Coulson: *gravely studies the younger woman* Why?

Mira: *grin is full of sweetness and innocence* Because I like crazy guys. They're the only ones who can keep up with me. Shame about the last guy though. I think I scared him a bit.

Coulson: *amused* Do you mean Mr. Stark?

Mira: Nope. I never dated that idiot. I'm talkin' about this one guy with the Fire Department. Nutbar lives on a tug out on the Hudson.

Coulson: Oh. I was just wondering because Tony's locked in a closet on the twelfth floor, and he did it himself.

Mira: ... *snickerfitdie* That wasn't me!

Coulson: He's hiding from a big green robot *aft*. *lifts brows slightly*

Mira: ... Whatever he got inta, I want some.

Coulson: Ask your boyfriend what he got into. *slight smile grows*

Mira: ... *looks to Ordnance*

Ordnance: *grins just as widely as Fitz just did*

Mira: Did ya slip Stark a roofie? *has a feeling she knows what really happened*

Ordnance: *so innocent* Nope. I think he did it to himself.

Mira: Wondered when that'd happen. *over private comms* //So the dumb*aft* saw ya naked?//

Ordnance: //Yuuuup.//

Coulson: I'm not going to show the security footage to Mr. Stark. *is that eeevil in that slight smile?*

Mira: *snort* *shakes her head* *to Coulson* Some friends'a mine 'n Ordnance's 're goin' fer grub. Wanna come with?

Coulson: *mischief fades to her usual smile* Why not. I think we've paid for enough damage for the week.

Mira: *grin* 'N no suit. Put some jeans on.

Coulson: *glances down, and then quirks a brow* I have casual dresses.

Mira: That'll work, too.

Ordnance: But we can't offer you a ride.

Coulson: I suppose I could do that.

Ordnance: *grin*

Mira: *grin*

Coulson: *sighs* You aren't allowed to make out in Ike.

Mira: *cackle* *will gank her phone back from Ordnance* Lemme just tell the gang we've got one more joinin' us.

Coulson: *nods and puts on her waiting expression* You're not coming into my apartment, either. I haven't cleared up all the marks from last time.

Mira: Aww. 'Kay. *frowns at her phone* Fergot I didn't charge this thing. *will poke Ordnance* You gotta phone?

Ordnance: *sheepish snerk* I sat on it this morning.

Coulson: *lowers her voice* You don't have anything built in?

Mira: ... *giving you a raised brow Look now, Coulson*

Coulson: *points to Ordnance* He's cybernetic, and he was just talking on your phone that doesn't work.

Ordnance: XD >.>;

Mira: ... *quietly* 'N yer not even freakin' out 'bout knowin'. *serious*

Coulson: *also quiet* I've seen weirder things than mini Transformers.

Mira: *seriously* Ferget goin' out ta eat. I'll call fer take out, 'n we'll make due with that. *has a feeling Coulson's got a few things to get off her chest* We c'n take over the roof, too.

Coulson: *lifts brows* What about your friends?

Ordnance: *suddenly laughing* Bashir's drunk dialing.

Mira: *startled snerk* *then* It's jes' Chase, his wife, 'n my friend Heath. As long as nobody eats all the General Tso's, Heath won't cry. *considering* We might wanna invite Bashir too, ta keep that idiot outta trouble.

Ordnance: Who do you think got him drunk, babe?

Mira: ... *facepalm* Whose *butt* do I gotta kick?

Ordnance: *seriously, though his eyes are twinkling* Who gave Chase the Screech?

Mira: ... Gotta make sure Bullet knows what a lightweight Heath is, then.

Coulson: *interested* Is there Screech?

Mira: There'd better be when we get there, or I'll hafta kick Bullet's *butt* fer gettin' inta my stash again.

Coulson: Is it genuine, or has Logan been busy again?

Mira: ... Logan brews stuff? *surprised*

Coulson: *brows lift* You hadn't heard about Thora's second meeting with the front of the helicarrier?

Mira: ... *thinking back* No. I was out on a mission.

Coulson: I see. *amused* Are you ready for that ride?

Mira: Ready when you are.

Ordnance: *rumbles cheerful, and overly amused, agreement*

Coulson: *looks from one to the other with that slight smile, then nods and leads the way*


Later, outside Coulson's apartment


Coulson: *comes downstairs in a comfortable and worn denim jacket, a sturdy brown skirt, and a pretty cotton blouse with delicate floral embroidery. Is frowning puzzledly at what looks like a little shaving kit with a bright pink sticky note on it*

Mira: *wasn't just snogging her boyfriend's brains out, you can't prove it!*

Ordnance: *glances over from where Mira's got him backed against the wall* *griiiiiin*

Mira: *looks over her shoulder* 'Sup?

Coulson: Just out of curiosity, what does Legacy usually call the two of you? *doesn't look up from the sticky*

Mira: ... *shrug* Dunno what she calls me.

Coulson: So you have no idea who "Dumb*aft* and Fatso" are?

Mira: ... I know who "Fatso" is. *nods toward Ordnance* Which prolly means I'm "Dumb*aft*".

Coulson: *holds the case out to Ordnance* I'm supposed to ask you about this.

Ordnance: *props himself against the wall and takes the case, then peeks inside. Quickly zips it shut again and stuffs it in a cargo pocket* *dead pan* Wondered where that went.

Mira: ... Where was it?

Coulson: On my bed. *still frowning slightly. Is in no way satisfied with Ordnance's response*

Mira: ... Blame Bates fer that, then.

Coulson: *quietly* What is that?

Mira: ... We could tell ya, but then that'd open a can'a worms. *so serious for once*

Coulson: *quietly insistent* What is it?

Ordnance: *also serious, and shaking his head*

Mira: *sensor wings would be flicking with agitation and unease if she were in root mode* Let's jes' get goin', before Chase comes lookin' fer us with sirens blarin'.

Coulson: *again the quiet insistence* I want to know what's in that case, and why Legacy put it on my bed.

Ordnance: *dead serious, and a little anxious for her* No. You don't. Trust me.

Mira: Bates prolly put it there as a prank.

Coulson: Then why are the two of you afraid of it? *doesn't turn as a vintage Chevy pulls up*

Mira: *attention on the truck* About *beeping* time, Heath!

Ordnance: I thought we were ridin' in Ike. *frown*

Heath: *gets out of the truck and stomps over* Get your drunk *afts* in there.

Coulson: *watching this rugged, scowling piece of humanity with a slightly surprised grin* Hello.

Heath: *scowls at her* Who're you?

Mira: *grin* Her name's Philippa Coulson. She's one'a the nutbars I work with. *leans on Ordnance* Ordnance is another.

Heath: *snorts* I met him on Halloween. *and he's not impressed* Everybody who's going, get in the truck.

Mira: *will move to usher Ordnance over to Heath's truck* Yer still drivin' the tank, I see.

Heath: *just scowls, but then blinks and gives the blonde woman a surprised look as she puts a hand on his arm*

Philippa: Do you have room for three?

Heath: *scowl returns to normal* Yeah, you can have shotgun.

Ordnance: *pauses in the door of the truck* Which means I gotta squash my fat *aft* inta the back of this. *flips the seat forward, then grunts and squishes forward*

Mira: *will climb in after him* *quietly* //That kit thing... That's Philippa's junk pack, ain't it?// *will push on Ordnance's butt to help him get situated*

Ordnance: Yer squeezin' me! *suddenly shaking with laughter*

Coulson: *winces as she watches, her expression says she's fearing the consequences*

Mira: *frowns and checks to make sure she didn't hurt Ordnance*

Ordnance: *finally inside!* Hey, I didn't fart!

Heath: *massive face palm*

Mira: *laughs and moves to join Ordnance in the back*

Heath: *flips the seat back, and then helps Coulson up. Shuts the door and goes to the other side as the truck rocks due to Ordnance jumping*

Mira: So how bad's Bashir?

Heath: You sit on this side. I don't need the truck tipping over. *settles into his own seat*

Mira: *rolls her eyes* Whatever.

Ordnance: He might have a point. *snerks and moves to the other side, gleefully squishing Mira against the back of the truck cab as he does so*

Mira: *squawks and laughs*

Ordnance: *sitting behind Coulson now. Grunts and holds his breath as he tries to get the lap belt fastened*

Mira: Heath, do ya got a belt extender?

Heath: *sigh* All he has to do is slide the buckle along the strap.

Mira: ... Oh. *will help Ordnance adjust the belt*

Ordnance: *squishes her while she works*

Mira: *trying not to squeak* *fails, squeaking as Ordnance gets her in a ticklish spot*

Heath: Settle down. *sounds grouchy and exhausted*

Mira: *quiet concern* Rough shift?

Heath: *grumbles* Can we go?

Mira: *moves to get buckled* Yeah

Coulson: I think we're good. No wait. There's a fly. *starts chasing the fly*

Heath: *frowning and watching the chase*

Coulson: *grab grab grab, swat! Grab* *bleep!* Wait. I got it! No... *bleep!* Where'd it go? There it is! *helpless laughter and another swear* Crazy *bleep* fly! *grab!*

Mira: *jaw drops* *cracking up now*

Coulson: Got it! No! Got it! *cuss!* Grab! *shriek* Oh... that's disgusting.

Heath: *sitting and staring at her. His expression looks just like Ordnance's*

Mira: *wheezing*

Coulson: Does anyone have a moist wipe? And hand sanitizer?

Ordnance: *ded*

Mira: *howling with laughter now*

Heath: *face palms and offers a roll of industrial strength paper towels*

Coulson: Thanks. *wipes hand!* I didn't realize they exploded like that.

Ordnance: *gasping for breath and shaking the whole truck*

Mira: *helpless wheezing*

Heath: *just puts the truck in gear and starts driving*



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